If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
