Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
