this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I believe in your delicious
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
