oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I FOUND THE LEGS
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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