i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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