the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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