it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
