it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize
