you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Randomize
