You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
