weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
