I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
