hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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