jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
