Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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