Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
