she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
