is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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