Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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