Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
