wrigley field is MILF paradise
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
