someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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