dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
