he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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