then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
3pm strippers are depressing
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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