Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm determined to sit on that face.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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