do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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