D3 body, D1 cock
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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