dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
