Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
