my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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