so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I did not marry a roomba.
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