Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
