Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
