i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
