just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
