youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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