can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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