Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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