so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Pants are for mortals
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
