Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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