What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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