i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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