Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
birth control should be required to get into college
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
