A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
