Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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