Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
