This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
