i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
