Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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