I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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