I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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