We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
