I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
