I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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