i just wanna soil my oats bro
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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