My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
