I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
