My boss' voice literally gives me gas
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
